rain and then some...

it is rainy today. not just normal, crawl-in-the-bed-with-a-book rain, but crazy rain. when you can't predict when you will get hit by a raindrop. outside the pre-hurricane winds are blowing and the rain is sporadically falling. huge drops fall from the sky and plop on your face or hair. for some reason, i love it when the weather is like this. there is something that excites me to know that a hurricane is on the way. and to feel the wind pick up and the rain getting more erratic, makes me feel strong in some strange way. maybe it is that in this house i have weathered at least 2 hurricanes each year for the past 32 years. maybe it is the not knowing. maybe it is the amazement with which i watched the waves break in the middle of the intersection at the end of my street during isabel a few years ago. maybe it is because i come from a long line of women who love disaster and the challenge of overcoming it. but i think it is probably because it is the only time in my life when the whole family piled in a car and drove to the beach to watch the ocean raging, all the while knowing that my mother did the same with her father and sisters and that he probably did the same with his parents. it is a feeling of knowing where i have come from and knowing where i belong. it is home.

change sucks...

okay, i have to say that i am not a fan of change. i like new adventures and challenges, but i do not like friends moving in and out of my life. i know this isn't healthy for me, but that isn't what blogs are for. they are for whining, complaining, pity parties, and clever thoughtful reflection. so as i have been reflecting over the past three weeks about how life is rapidly changing i have realized that the humanness that is anna HATES change, but the soul of anna thirsts for it. change from my self-demeaning, self-loathing, unsure, insecure, lonely soul to one that loves Christ more every day and has a true realization of my worth before His throne. that is what true self-realization is about - finding out who Christ sees when He looks at anna. for me that is packed under years of doubt and disappointment and i think i am slowly unpacking my baggage.