i am such a fraidy cat...

i have realized over the past few months how much of my life is governed by fear... not so much the scared-of-bridges kind of fear, but the i-might-fail-or-become-a-laughing-stock kind of fear. and i don't think it is healthy fear...
will that person approve? will i be looked at as an utter failure? will i be able to do this or that? and on and on and on...
i was raised by a single mom. and my mother has a big heart. if you know her, you know that she loves well. but as i was growing up, many times that love was expressed as concern for what could go wrong. i know she had good intentions and more than once her cautionary mindset has saved my booty, but it turned me into a big ole fraidy cat. i have realized that i don't try some things because i might fail or because it might result in heartache. i am not so clueless to think that life is without hardships. and i know from personal experience that at one point or another we all become the laughing stock. but the beauty in life is found when you realize that you can make it through all that. that you are strong enough to be laughed at and still come out of it with your head held high. that even though failure might be a part of your journey, it doesn't have to mean the end of the journey. and that without heartache one cannot know the true joy that is love.
with all of this swimming in my brain, i had to choose my one little word. if you are unfamiliar with the concept, basically it is the idea that you choose a word/idea that you will focus on for the entire year. you can find more info here.
so, i chose LIVE BRAVELY!
for me it has become a reminder that i give myself whenever i am afraid to make a call or when i get worried that something i do or say might be misunderstood.
live bravely...
i have to admit that i chose a word last year and pretty much it just became a word on a bag that is now sitting in my closet. in no way did it affect me or change me... but this year i want to be different. i want to look back on this year and see specific things that show i was at least trying to live bravely...
so, to that end, i have decided to set a monthly goal to do something that forces me to be brave. for january, my goal is to create and submit a proposal to teach a mini class at this amazing conference... there are so many reasons not to do it... but the biggest one is fear of rejection. so, to quote my bff - "i am going to drop an elbow on my fear of rejection" - and submit the proposal.
wish me luck, no... wish me courage.
be brave, friends...
<3 anna